In the month interim I took off writing here, convinced I was done, I still tuned into a few blogs. I would usually check them in the morning first thing - likely habit and to see if anything interesting was going on.
William Tychonievich's blog "From the Narrow Desert", was one of them. I checked his blog again this morning and found that he had written a post on my return to writing, along with syncs.
In his post, he wrote this,:
I went straight to Mr. Wright's blog and read his first post since he resumed blogging: "The Great Pumpkin and 'waiting.'" It was posted on October 20, the day after "Syncfest," and it mentions the same Brother of Jared story I mentioned there:
I look to the story, or rather my updated story, of the Brother of Jared to demonstrate the truth of that sentence I just wrote. He moved a mountain by faith. In an earlier post, I suggest that the mountain that he moved was actually Durin's Door in order to access the mines of Moria, obtain Mithril that could be fashioned into stones, and have Jesus fill those stones with light.
That could be a striking coincidence -- or, more likely, he reads this blog, and my shout-out influenced his decision to start posting again. Be that as it may, it certainly is a striking coincidence that Mr. Wright ends his post by talking about three triangles in a Tom Petty music video:
He mentions that perhaps his shout-out influenced my decision to write again, specifically mentioning the Brother of Jared story. He is partially correct. I actually didn't remember until I looked back at his post that he had mentioned Durin's Door there, and so I wasn't thinking of that event when I both thought of what he wrote and got a bit of a nudge to start writing again.
I was rather drawn to some of the connections he was making to UFOs-saucers and barges. One of the primary story elements that has been on my mind for sometime that I haven't been able to shake is this notion that Lehi and the Jaredites didn't end up anywhere on this Earth, but rather on something like another world. It was been there in the back of my mind for sometime, and I view it kind of like the Tom Petty thought: One that I have actually worked pretty hard to dismiss but it just keeps hanging around, with all of its weirdness.
I ended up opening the curtain a bit on that thought in my post yesterday, and as I said I will devote some posts to exploring that and seeing where it goes.
That won't be today, however, as I want to address what William has called in his posts "Sync Fairies". I think he uses other names also, but that one has seemed to come out a bit if I remember right. They seem to be doing something, so I thought why not address them head on and figure out what I think about them.
In that Sync-fest post, the Jaredite-UFO-saucer points he was making weren't the only thing that caught my attention. He devotes significant space to this concept of a 'Drowning Boy'. This stood out to me for reasons I will explain below, before transitioning into some open thoughts on these syncs and how I feel about them (preview: I am not sure how I feel).
As part of my issues that landed me in some fairly extensive need of help, I developed a substantial list of very distressing and anxiety-inducing thoughts. When I say 'distressing', I probably mean something more like abject, hard-to-describe terror. My days would consist of my mind endlessly cycling through these thoughts and essentially torturing myself. Thoughts would come into my mind about some of the worst possible things and I would accept them as reality and let the horror of the situation I just thought-up completely take over. Now, more removed from the situation, it is hard to fully understand and grasp how a mind can get like this, and so it is difficult to convey, but that was where mine was. The therapy term I learned for it was 'catastrophizing'.
In any case, as I have related elsewhere, I learned how to deal with it by getting some additional tools in therapy. I mention this, though, because one of the terrorizing thoughts I would beat myself up with is that all of the stuff that was happening to me (i.e., the words, other experiences, etc.) was because I was actually living an imaginary life in my head as I was going through a real-life dying process. Meaning, my entire life was something like the last firing synapses of a mind that was holding on to its last moments of life, and that at any moment I was either going to realize this or my brain was going to shut off, and that would be it. I would just end and be dead. Which if true, would make everyone and everything around me figments of my own imagination and dying brain.
For those of you that have read the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge", that is pretty much the type of situation I imagined up for myself.
And my reason for believing that had to do with a near-drowning accident I had when I was very young, probably 5 years old or in that range.
We were on a family vacation staying in a hotel that had an indoor pool. I couldn't quite swim yet, and so I would wear arm-floaties while hanging out in the deep end. I have a very vivid memory of deciding that I was done with the floaties, taking them off by where my parents were hanging out with my younger sister, and then walking over to the deep end and jumping in.
I sunk like a rock, right down to the bottom. My parents were distracted with my younger sister, and I remember being on the bottom of the pool struggling to get up, but unable to. I remember my older sister's arm appearing in the water. Presumably, I grabbed onto her arm and she pulled me up.
But that was the problem: I could remember all of those other things very well regarding the pool incident, but I couldn't remember getting pulled out of the water! Did I get out, or did I just desperately imagine my sister reaching down for me before losing consciousness? Why couldn't I remember being pulled out?
It's a family story, and my sister has mentioned over the years whether I remember when she saved me from drowning. So, of course I asked my sister during this time if she remembered pulling me out of the water (I asked her many times - over and over). She of course said yes - if I hadn't been pulled out, I wouldn't be here. It seemed a silly question to her, but to me the narrative that I was drowning just continued to build.
If in fact I was right, or that this fear that I was actually a 5-year old lying at the bottom of the pool drowning was valid (a conclusion that seemed more certain to me as the thought built!), then my sister, and everybody else I know and love, was just part of my imagination anyway. I couldn't trust what she said! I mean, my entire life from then until now (almost 40 years) would have been just all inside the mind of a small boy lying at the bottom of the pool holding onto life.
It was a frightening story I created for myself, and it spawned all sorts of crazy thoughts and behaviors. How could I prove that my sister was real, or that others were real? If I could show that, then that could finally put to rest my fear that I am drowning. Or, how could I pressure test the story of my rescue ("But you were only 2 years older than me - how could you have reached down and been strong enough to pull me up?"). But these are all questions with no answer, which unfortunately made it all that more interesting for my mind to fixate on.
So prevalent was this fear that for over a year, into 2021, I would not put my face in the water. I had developed a form of magical thinking that if I submerged my head underwater, I might wake up as the drowning small boy in the pool.
Anyway, you get the idea. Terrible thoughts that for a disordered mind that accepts it as a reality can be quite debilitating. That is why of all the things in William's post, the drowning boy reference was what actually stood out to me the most, and reminded me of that whole situation.
Which brings me to the Sync Fairies...
Friend or foe?
That is actually my question as it relates to them, and I haven't made up my mind. They were actually partially responsible for my having cut off writing in September. In what I can only describe as an onslaught of Sync Fairies, that last week of writing in particular was just overwhelming. Too much. It culminated on Saturday, September 16 with a crazy morning.
I had just gotten back from my daughter's soccer game in a town called St. Michael. It's about an hour away, and I don't believe I have ever been there for anything (though have driven through it). It's definitely not in our usual list of sports opponents. Upon getting back from the game, I had looked at my blog and noticed that William (under WJT) had referenced a post of his in response to a 'Brighter than the Sun' reference I had made with the Stone Couriers (see this post). In following the link he attached, I noticed that after a reference to Joan of Arc, he goes into a topic with the sub-title of "St. Michael". The name of the very town I had just driven back from.
As I am literally in the process of looking at this post, a woman who I have never met before knocks on my door. She wants to know if she can have some sunflowers. I don't grow sunflowers, but apparently she is referring to a plot of land down the street at the corner that has some sunflowers. She assumed the field was mine. We do have a hobby farm, but that field isn't mine and I have no idea how she even thought it was. It sits, no joke, right next to the house of its actual owner, whereas my house is up the street, over and then down a small hill and behind a bunch of spruce trees over which you can barely see the top of our roof. But for some reason, this woman assumed the field, and its sunflowers, belonged to me.
The sunflowers is interesting because in the post where I introduced El-Anor (the Sun Stone), or rather I conveyed the dream where El-Anor seems to introduce himself, William posted that Elanor is also the name of a flower in Tolkien's writings, and the name of Tom Petty's album that I had used to introduce the dream of El-Anor is 'Wildflowers'.
Thus the Sun-Flower connection.
So, that was kind of strange, and I thought more about it as the day went on, along with everything else. At first I thought it was cool, and that the past week of dealing with these fairies or whoever they are might just might be something I needed to get used to - kind of like learning a new language. Someone apparently likes to communicate with these 'syncs', and maybe they had some things to say.
But as the day wore on, the more I thought about how maybe I didn't want to deal with these syncs. I actually thought about this woman showing up at my house uninvited, asking for sunflowers that clearly do not belong to me, as being somewhat irritating. It started to bother me. Is this what I want? I have my mind full of all these other words, and dreams, and whatever ideas are just pouring into my mind, and now I have to deal with random sun-flower ladies?
So, I looked for reasons to label them as an enemy, and then decided to shut down the blog. That final week, sync-fairies notwithstanding, had been a great one with respect to other thoughts. As I related in those posts, I had come to some resolution or at least an explainable story around a subset of confusing dialogues I had written down a couple years ago that now seemed to make some sense. Just in the knick of time, perhaps. I was like a poker player cashing in my chips and walking away while ahead, I thought. The best thing to do was wait for the Stone to surface.
But I do wonder about these Beings, and even have some guesses as to their identity, given some other clues and just some of their work. If right, I would label them friend, but I could be wrong, and so I still consider it a possibility that they are the enemy.
I have been burned before and guessed wrong on these types of things, basically, with both spiritual and human Beings.
William was actually the very first person to comment on this blog, on a now deleted post. He simply mentioned a name of a person with a question mark, and I told him that name wasn't allowed here. I had actually never interacted with William before in any capacity, so i didn’t know him and I was shocked that he wrote that name, as the first comment on this blog even. I seriously considered closing down the whole blog right there based on that comment and the name.
I have tried to type that name here a couple times in posts, but each time deleted it. I have blamed it before on fear or some kind of PTSD. The night before I went to the hospital in May 2020 and things got really bad was the first and last time I had ever spoken to that person 1:1 in private. It lasted for 2 hours if I remember right, give or take. It was done at my request, so I blame myself, I guess. In any case, skipping to the punchline, midway through I was physically shaking, feeling ill, and realizing I made a mistake. Somewhere around 16 hours later I was admitted to the psych ward of the hospital ER.
I have wondered if I won't even say or type that name because of some kind of fear - like in Harry Potter with Lord Voldemort... he-who-must-not-be-named. But I don't think so, at least not anymore. I just don't like how it makes me feel. It's kind of why I try not to swear if I can help it; it just doesn't make me feel good.
So, you read a situation as badly as I have, you end up a bit more concerned about the nature of the Beings you are interacting with.
So... friend or foe, Sync Fairies?
I will conclude with a song that came into my head earlier this morning as I was thinking on that question. It is called "The Call" by Regina Spektor, and the line that came specifically to me was the last two in this second verse:
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Which is the trick, right? How can you tell? I am not sure I am confident anymore in my ability to know.
Anyway, in pulling up the song and listening to it again, I found it very meaningful, and it is a beautiful song, so I am including it below:
Also, I did also look at the comments on William's last post. He mentioned that October 20 was Tom Petty's birthday and wondered if I knew that. I did not. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this point.
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