The Sickness of the Numenoreans

I had a nightmare last night for the first time in quite awhile - maybe a couple years, at least from what I can remember.

In the dream, I was a young child.  I was with my father and we were walking back to our car on something like a pier or a boardwalk.  As we approached the car, we noticed what appeared to be a couple, a man and a woman, standing against a pier railing in something like a lover's embrace.

As we were getting in the car, my dad thought something might be wrong with the situation.  He began to approach the couple and asked them if they needed any help and if we could offer them a ride somewhere.

At the sound of my dad's voice, the man jerked his head up, like a wild animal.  His head and body twitched violently as he now sensed that my dad and I were there.  With a feeling of terror, I then noticed that the couple hadn't been in an embrace at all.  Rather, the woman was dead, and this man-monster had been standing there feeding on her body.

My dad took in the situation at the same time I did, turned to me and yelled, "Get in the car!"  I ran as fast as I could and got in the back seat, too scared to fully process what was going on.  While this was happening, the man-monster was now focused on my dad, having left the dead woman against the pier railing.  My dad ran back to the car and got in the driver's seat.  I thought that we would be safe at this point, but the man-monster was faster than I could have imagined, and was suddenly right by the driver's side door.  In a flash, something came through the car and slashed my dad's throat.  I don't remember if I screamed at that point.  I don't even remember if I woke up after this scene, as there were a few other dreams that happened, and I don't know if they were before or after.  

I did, however, wake up at around 4am with this total feeling of fear and dread as I remembered the dream.  Specifically, I couldn't forget the jerking, non-human motions this monster made in the dream, with that first image of his head jerking up to hear my dad's voice replaying in my mind.

I was actually too frightened and geared up to go back to bed, so I only got a few hours of sleep.  As I thought about the scene, the movie "28 Days Later" came to my mind.  I thought, yes, this is what it was like.  A Being had become sick and infected, and had turned into something terrible, attacking us on that pier.

I've only seen that movie once, several years ago (it's unsettling and not the kind of movie I would watch more than once), and for those not familiar with the premise, a virus is accidentally released across Great Britain.  This virus is called the 'rage virus' and anyone infected with it turns into a hyper-aggressive rage machine intent on harming and killing other people.  As a potential nod to the Gorilla-primate theme, the virus was first unleashed when an infected chimpanzee is let loose.

As I thought about the movie, a specific scene came very strongly to me.  Keep in mind I have only seen this movie once several years ago, but I vividly recalled a scene where a man who is part of the core group of protagonists and who had a daughter with him, accidentally become infected with the virus.  I found the video clip, and after I saw it, I understood why my mind went there.  Here it is (but warning that it gets a bit violent at the end with someone getting shot.  Also, spoilers):

The character's name, by the way, is Frank.  So we have another France connection, with Frank meaning Free Man or French Man.

In the movie, Frank was a cab driver and is a caring and loving father who is trying to protect others from the 'infected' as they try to find refuge somewhere.  He is a good guy.  In this scene, in trying to scare away the crow from a dead body, he becomes infected himself when the drop of fluid from the body drops in his eye.

As I watched the scene, I saw the symbolism of a Father being put in a position where they would attack his own Child without this being their intent.  Frank realizes he is done for, uses his last few seconds to both to tell his daughter that he loves her, and to also warn her to stay away from him.  As a parent, that part really gets me.  He then proceeds to transform into a rage-filled monster, all because of this virus.

This is the story of the Numenorean assault on Eressea, in part, particularly having to do with the Fathers and the attack they led on their own children.

In my view, the nightmare from last night was from the symbolic perspective of an Eressean, one of the Children now faced with an attack by Beings who seemed part monster, part Man.  Why did they do this?  Because they were sick and infected.  They were not themselves.  The movements of the man in my dream clearly indicated this.

I am still a little wound up by it, as the emotions from the dream were pretty strong.  In thinking through this, however, and in watching the 28 Days Later clip, I realized that I had a dream several years ago from the other perspective.  From that of a Father.  It was actually a shocking realization to note that with this dreams last night, I believe I have experienced and felt the Numenorean conflict from the perspective of both a Father and a Child.

The dream occurred in April 2019, so still about 6 months before the words really started for me, but only a few months before that first "Gimguru" word on July 4.  This was the first of 3 'sleep paralysis' dreams between April and August, where I would wake up and be unable to move, feeling like a presence had frozen me (apparently, this is a relatively common phenomenon). 

Anyway, this dream in April started off with me in a discussion with my oldest son, who would have been 9 years old at the time.  He had done something that annoyed me, and I was telling him how annoyed I felt.  It was just a minor thing, but I felt myself getting angrier as I was talking to him.  I began losing my temper and screaming at him, and I started to feel hate.  I hated my son, and I could feel it.  Just so you know, I have never felt this way in real life, even when I do get annoyed with my kids, I have never experienced this sensation or emotion of hate.  So, it was surprising in the dream, and I felt myself totally losing control.

The scene with my son soon faded, but the hate inside of my kept building.  It was a feeling I can only describe as pure hatred.  The feeling was so strong, that my face began to contort and twist, and I felt physical pain in my face as this was happening.

In this state, I found myself suddenly seeming to be staring at what I thought was my own face, contorted and enraged..  I soon realized that this wasn't my face, however.  It belonged to another Being, and this Being was the source of the hate that I felt.  As I understood this, I was released from the feeling of hate - it wasn't coming from inside my anymore, which felt like a huge relief.  I was free of it.  But now I felt it in the face of the Being who was staring at me.  He had glowing eyes, and I knew in looking at him that he was the source of this hate that I had felt, and I felt this hate directed at me.

And now I was very afraid looking at this Being of pure hatred, and I began to fall into a dark abyss.  In the process of falling, I woke up.  We were on Spring Break as a family in the Phoenix, Arizona area (Scottsdale, I think), and I was lying in my hotel bed.  I couldn't move, however, like I was locked in place.  I still had that feeling of fear, and I tried to cry for help but I couldn't move or speak, which made me even more afraid not knowing what was going on.  I was eventually able to get little murmuring sounds out, but no one could hear me.  After what seemed like an eternity (but maybe was only a minute or two), I was finally 'released' and able to move.

The dream really upset me - everything about it.  The feeling of hate I felt.  The Being who I saw and was afraid of.  It was a lot to process and it had an emotional impact on me.

In light of this dream last night, and everything else developing in the story, I think the symbolism fits pretty well..  In my dream, I was a Father hating my own son, driven to rage by a Being who had control over me and who was the source of this hate and rage.  It was completely terrifying to both feel that way, and to have no control over it.  I didn't think I was capable of feeling that type of rage and hate, but I did, very clearly so in that dream.  When I watched that "28 Days Later" clip, it brought me right back to that dream.  I understood.

I think these two dreams speak of the Numenorean story,and some of the emotions felt by the players in that tragedy.  It also, particularly that first dream, speaks to the idea that there was an Evil Being behind the whole thing, and that these Fathers who were part of the Numenorean onslaught (including Pharazon) really were sick, and really did love their children and did not wish to or consciously want to harm them.